


ectoGastronomist

by SylphOfLight



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fluff, Food as a Metaphor for Love, M/M, Meta, POV John Egbert
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-03
Updated: 2018-09-07
Packaged: 2019-07-06 15:04:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15888450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SylphOfLight/pseuds/SylphOfLight
Summary: John Egbert makes a food blog, and rambles too much about his life on it.alternative title: How to Realise You're in Love With Your Best Friend Through Food.





	1. Leek and Pea Risotto

**Author's Note:**

> Based on that tumblr text post talking about how someone should write a fic based on those rambly food blog posts.

Welcome to the first post of my food blog! I’ve had this idea rolling around in my head for a while and I feel like there’s no better way to start it than with one of the first recipes I learnt when I was young.

 

Growing up, I was never one of those kids who was averse to vegetables. My dad was (and still is!) an avid baker, and I’d wake up to the smell of sweet treats more often than not. This sounds like every kid’s dream but day in, day out of baked goods really takes the cake. (Ba dum tsh. I cannot vouch for the quality of jokes on this blog. You have been warned.) This led me to develop a preference for the savoury and an unusual appreciation for the fresh, crisp taste of veggies. My father, although a devious prankster, was not an actual sadist, so also did make non-sweet meals. In fact, he was the one who taught me this recipe. I can still remember him standing over me and holding the pot steady as I stirred the rice, watch it thicken.

 

As you’ll see in a minute, this risotto is really simple to make and even someone who only eats stale Doritos and AJ everyday can make it. Trust me, that previous sentence was not a random example. When I was a little kid, I sent the recipe to one of my best friends to try out. Him living in Texas at the time meant that he couldn’t taste the masterpiece I’d whipped up but judging from the photos of his version he sent me, he didn’t do a half bad job. I’m pretty sure he’d rather drop dead than show sincere and direct emotion but I gathered from his wall of text and photos of his finished bowl at the end that it was pretty decent. He’s still my recipe guinea pig to this day, where I’ll send him a dish to make and he’ll give me feed back. I hadn’t thought this at the time also, but I’m glad he ate some greens as well. That dude was seemed to live off the unhealthiest stuff in his childhood. (Dave, if you’re reading this, go eat some vegetables. No way AJ gives you enough vitamins and minerals to survive, I’m not arguing with you on this one again.)

 

This risotto in particular reminds me of the spring. Small peeks of green nestled in a warming blanket of creamy rice, it makes for great Instagram fodder and well as a great tasting dish.

 

Enough rambling, here’s the recipe. Enjoy.

-John

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Recipe link. ](https://www.growingcommunities.org/recipes/leek-and-pea-risotto)


	2. Cornish Pasties

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to [Catkodil](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Catkodil/pseuds/Catkodil) for letting me bounce ideas off of him.

This next recipe, with buttery golden pastry and tender beef, is the perfect picnic fuel. It’s surprisingly little mess to eat and in my experience, any crumbs that you do spill quickly get licked up by one of your best friends’ dog.

 

When your four best friends in the world are found through the internet as a young boy, it can be a little bittersweet. On one hand, I’ve met and befriended some of the funniest, silliest, most ridiculous people in the world who I’m proud to call my best friends and I know, despite all the ribbing, that they’ve got my back and I’ve got theirs. On the other hand, it can be a little lonely not being able to casually suggest simply hanging out and grabbing a milkshake together. Group calls just aren’t the same, you know? There’s something grounding about a hug. I get that from my dad, I think. Maybe Egberts are just the touchy-feely type.

 

Since we’re all older and grown up (physically, not sure about mentally haha) and living relatively closer to each other, we make it a habit to meet up and hang like we never got to as kids. This time, we decided on a picnic to catch the last of the sunny warmth before fall sets in. Hence the recipe!

 

There’s nothing quite like chilling with your friends on a sunny day, hearing your friend sniff and suffer because she forgot to take her hay fever medicine again (the severity of Rose’s allergy is nothing to sneeze at, heh) and think about nothing apart from the wind in your hair and grass under your feet. I’ve taken a recent liking to wind, no idea why. Something about it feels so freeing, like it can go anywhere it pleases and swooshes just where it likes. …Anyway, these pasties were a big hit with my friends! The pastry melted in your mouth, the filling hearty but not too stodgy, and judging by their faces as they bit into them, it made for a great treat. Dave made a big show out of acting hurt that I hadn’t consulted him first with this recipe but when I pointed out his track record with pastry, (either woefully undercooked or tough as old boots) he shut up and ate without complaining. My friends didn’t make anything themselves but bought plenty of food and camaraderie to share, and my friend Jade even brought her dog along! He’s a big fluffy white thing named Becquerel and he even seemed to approve of my recipe. I don’t know how high his standards are though because whenever Jade makes food for him she says she just “irradiates some steak”, whatever that means. I’m glad my Cornish pasties are at least on par with cancer fried steak, I guess.

 

The picnic ended with a cart wheel competition that we unanimously decided, as the last man standing who had not fallen over due to dizziness, that Dave won. In his words, he had “plenty of practice doing acrobatic fucking pirouettes off the handle in my puppet-filled childhood”, and how I understood that sentence is beyond me. I think over the years my brain has naturally developed a Strider translator through prolonged exposure, so I can comprehend anything that comes out of his million-words-a-minute mouth. Anyway, this naturally led to me chasing down Mr. Cool-and-Untouchable while yelling about puppet butts until I tackled him to the ground and pinned him down so Rose could recite poetry about foamy dick-noses to him, with the cruellest smile I’ve ever seen. Why and how she memorised it is too scary to even consider. Jade was busy cry-laughing into Bec’s fur, occasionally pausing to repeat particularly haunting phrases from Rose’s poem. Dave’s face was bright red, and I could even feel its heat when pressed on top of him, especially when I started whispering in his ear the words “puppet butts” in all the funny voices that I could think of.

 

All in all, a fun time.

 

Anyway, enjoy this recipe, perfect for all year round, best eaten piping hot.

-John

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Recipe link.](https://www.thespruceeats.com/traditional-cornish-pasty-recipe-435042)


End file.
